Max's Magnificent Masterpiece!
by Captain Buggles
Summary: Hey guys! This is May's little brother, Max, the coolest and most memorable character ever! Guess who just wrote an utterly flawless masterpiece because I'm super cool and smart and I am the ebst writer ever? That's right, me! So I dare you to read it, noobs! XD!


**Max's Magnificent Masterpiece!**

**HEY GUYS! It's me, Max, May's little brother! As cool as my adventure with Ash, May, and Brock was, I decided it wasn't cool or funny enough. So I'm gonna rewrite it. It's gonna be awesome and sexy and Ash will be soooo cool and it'll be comedy gold because I'm smart and awesome and I have a sexy sense of humor. NO NEED TO THANK ME!  
I DEFINITELY AND HONESTLY HAVEN'T HAD ANY SUGAR RECENTLY!1!**

**Ch 1: I'm Too Awesome To Name Chapters**

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It was a peaceful day in Petalburg Gym. May was dressed in rages and a fedora, feeding me grapes as I laid in a solid gold recliner with Swablu feather cushions, and Dad was fighting his Slaking bare-handed. But he'd recently decided that Slaking needs to be a better battler, so he had its hands surgically removed and replaced with diamond chainsaws. My Dad is the best, let's just set the record straight right now. Suddenly, dramatic music played dramatically as the windows burst open and a freakish gust of wind blew Ash Ketchum right into our gym! I were super duper excited. Ash was so tall and gallant and awesome looking, and he had an awesome black cape that blew awesomely in the breeze. But just then, my dumb sister tried to steal Ash from me!

"Oh, hellurr there, handsome stranger. Mah name is May…" she batted her eyebrows seductively with no skill whatsoever like the fat poopyhead she truly is, which causes Ash to look away pointedly.

"Oh, little awesome boy, is that splendid TRUE MAN over there you're father?" Ash says, as he licked his thick, juicy, luscious lips and eyed my father's awesome body up and down.

"Why yes he is. He's the awesomest!" I shouted, which caused Ash to smile.

"I'M SURE HE IS, FOOLISH MORTAL! THAT WOULD MAKE HIM ALL THE TASTIER!" Ash laughed. I gasped with surprise in a shocked way, as Ash's teeth became long and sharp, he grew giant serrated claws and huge crimson red bat wings, and he materialized a 30 foot long sword of lava. Ash was a fire demon come to eat my awesome Dad! Oh, the humanity!

"Dad, you can win! It's okay!" I shouted, as things were became into fiery and stuff.

"Don't worry son! Of course I can win!" my dad said with determined face as he motioned to May. "Give me my fedora! It's the source of my power!" Suddenly, May hissed at him and backed away.

"No dad, I's tired of being dumb and stupid and Max being 10,000% better than me!" she said in the most whiny, piercing voice possible. "I's going to absorb the fedora's power, and I's gonna be bigger than every one of all yalls!" May screeched, as she poured ranch dressing all over Dad's lovely fedora and ate it whole. It was heartbreaking to watch. In fact, Ash didn't even fight during the entire sequence because even though he was a fire demon, he were loving, considerate, and always honorable.

As she ate it, May's skin turned diamond hard and her eyes became bright blue. She grew huge horns on her head. She lasered my Dad with a laser beam, but he deflected it with a fist of pure awesome, causing it to burn a hole right through Slaking's chest. Slaking screamed like an 11 year old with her first period and died dramatically, because death is beautiful and dramatic and always unexpected.

"aw." My dad said, because you never show serious emotion as a TRUE MAN. He then downed an entire keg of beer, inhaled deeply, then turned around and bent over.

"NOOO!1!" May screamed. But just then, Ash stuck his flaming sword up my Dad's butt. Instead of farting like he originally planned, my Dad UNfarted. He sucked up every fart in the world, until he was a giant balloon of gas and concentrated awesome. He filled the entire gym for a moment, and Ash's white hot sword was pressed against his body. Then he concentrated deeply and became unbloated and normal size again. We were all incredibly surprised at his capability. Suddenly, he trained for a moment and then farted a black hole and hurled it at Ash, who didn't get completely sucked in because of his demonic coolness, but it did suck up May's nasty weave, leaving her looking extremely ratchet, and it sucked up most of Ash's demon powers.

Ash now looked mostly human, but now his eyes were bright red and he was shirtless. That was fine though, because he was totally ripped and toned now too, and his arms looked too big for the shirt he was wearing before anyways. He also still had sharp nails and a long black tail with a burning tip.

"What happened?" Ash asked, as the black hole turned into a donut hole.

"You was smexaylicious, behbeh." May said, licking Ash's neck. Ash stared at her intensely and she immediately burst into flames.

"Well, at least I can still do that." Ash thought out loud. "Hey, where's Brock?" Ash wondered out loud. Brock suddenly fell through the ceiling.

"Sorry for being late, I flew up to heaven right quick to try and get busy with an angel." Brock said suggestively with suggestive eyes. We all rolled our eyes.

"Brooo-oock…" we said in unison. Even Slaking momentarily came to life to join us.

"But where is Pikachu?" I asked. Suddenly, a smoking hot Pikachu gijinka sauntered in. My eyes widened like really wide saucers and she slowly in leaned to kiss me…but only centimeters away from my lips, the real Pikachu popped out of her back and electrocuted me as the robot body fell to the ground.

"You's a real fool fo thinkin' I ain't no norma Pokeman in dis here story, son." Pikachu said angrily.

"Pikachu, what did we tell you about talking like that?" Ash said, looking at Pikachu threateningly with eyes that were like angry red stoplights if angry red stoplights were eyes.

"Pika…" Pikachu said apologetically. And then a Mudkip came in, because everyone likes Mudkip.

"SAUSAGE." The Mudkip said joyfully. "SAUSAGE, SAU. SAUSA SAUSAAGE!"

"No Mudkip, you aren't a sausage." I explained patiently while everyone else was dumbfounded, because I know absolutely everything and I am a total genius.

"….SAUSAGE!" Mudkip screamed, as it suddenly fired a stream of high speed sausages from it's mouth like a firehose filled with tasty high pressure animal flesh.

Everyone died, because I needed more drama and death is beautiful and dramatic and always unexpected, but don't worry cause they'll come back to life soon thanks to my awesometastical author powers!

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**I'm gonna end this chapter now, because it's breakfast time and I want sausages now! Also, there's a pretty shiny thingy in the corner of the room! Please follow,favorite, and review, because I'm totally hilarious and awesome and I definitely deserve it. But if you say anything mean I'll cry, WHICH ISN'T BAD CAUSE MY MOM SAYS GIRLS LIKE SENSITIVE GUYS SO THERE.**


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